The day before Ethan’s surgery was finally here. Instructions were written out for the grandparents, the fridge & cabinets were stocked, the laundry was done, the house was spotless, my office & the kids craft stuff even got organized on a couple late nights that I stayed up working off my nervous energy. The texts and FB messages were continuing to stream in and a couple of my closest girlfriends called. I was nervous, but I knew that “God’s got this” and that is what I was clinging to.
Brad’s mom was the grandparent taking the first shift of kid sitting. We had dinner together as a family and then Brad & I kissed Connor & Dylan goodbye and we drove downtown to the Ronald McDonald House with Ethan.
Brad talked the entire hour of our drive there. I have no idea what he said. My heart just pounded the whole way there. As we were nearing our destination I finally asked him if he was nervous. He said, “A little.” I told him he must be since his talking spiel was completely out of character, and he admittedly agreed. During the drive though, we didn’t speak of the surgery or what the week might hold. It was kind of like the elephant in the room and it just “hung” in the air.
When we pulled up to the Ronald McDonald House, Brad got out & went in to get the scoop and I checked a text message that came in. It read, “Thinking of you guys. Hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow!” That was when I broke. It was as if a dam had let loose and the tears just flowed down my cheeks. I was able to hold them back long enough to get a tour of the house, but as soon as I was behind closed doors, the tears just poured. I spent lots of time just holding and cuddling Ethan until we just had to go to bed. Neither Ethan nor I slept well. He couldn’t get comfortable or stay warm. I was paranoid I would sleep through the alarm to get up and feed him (the last time before surgery).
The night ended with me propped up in the most uncomfortable position on a loveseat with Ethan sleeping soundly on my chest. And I loved it.